We’ve all felt invisible at times. It’s not easy when you need support but feel like no one’s there for you. It’s tough when you feel like you’re there for everyone else. Sometimes, you feel like a servant in a fancy mansion, only summoned when needed, but not treated like a human being. Maybe you ARE a butler or any other of the countless professions where it’s necessary to be there for others while keeping your own self hidden. When you feel like no one cares, how are you supposed to get the support you need?
How many of you thought George from It’s a Wonderful Life was super lucky? He got to see what an impact he made on the world and what would happen if he never existed. Sometimes I’d like to try that experiment, as long as I got to come back like George did.
Since this is an issue that needs more than my opinions, I went to Betterhelp.com for advice. They talk about what factors may be at play that are making it hard for people to show their love and care. It’s an article full of great information so please check it out here!
Are they dealing with life or family obligations? How stressed out are they? Are they dealing with their own crisis right now? They may simply have too much on their plate. We’ve all been there. If one more person adds one more thing, we may just fall apart.
Our anxiety and depression are masters of making mountains out of molehills. Anxiety is going to remind you of every mistake you’ve ever made and make sure you feel like people have given up on you. Depression is going to make you feel like no one ever cared to begin with. In reality, your feelings may be altering the true picture. If you need more advice on coping with depression, please look at this post I wrote.
Still relying on my friends from Betterhelp, how do you find support when you feel like no one cares? It’s important to find the support you need. Maybe your family consistently fails to be there for you. Try telling them how you feel. They may have no idea that they’re being unsupportive. If that doesn’t work, what about reaching out to extended family? Aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents can be great sources of support.
You could also start volunteering. By helping others, you might heal parts of yourself. Meeting people with similar passions or morals could help you find meaningful friendships. You’ll be helping people AND assuring yourself of your incredible value to the world. It’s always a win-win when you get to help others and your self-esteem at the same time!
Again, your mental illness could be to blame for a lot of your feelings of invisibility. The Betterhelp article I read has a list of things to watch out for when it comes to how your mind perceives events.
It’s all too easy to assume people just don’t care. You may comfort yourself by saying that they’re both selfish and self-centered. But, keep in mind that life is hard for everyone. They could be dealing with things that you don’t know about. OR they could just be oblivious to your needs. More on that later.
I know, I know, I sound like a broken record sometimes. But, I think it’s SO important to note that there are times that our mentally ill brains flat out lie to us. So one person told you they already had plans this weekend. Does that really mean that NO ONE ever wants to hang out with you because NO ONE cares? Betterhelp calls this all-or-nothing thinking, a way of looking at things in extremes.
Our brains can even force us to focus on one tiny aspect of a situation. One person didn’t laugh at your joke, but three others did. Does that mean that no one thinks you’re funny at all? Or could it mean that that one person didn’t think that one particular joke was that funny? Try to think of the whole situation realistically so that you’re not just focusing on the negative parts.
Are you even open to getting support? This is a big problem I have. I get annoyed when people don’t check in on me, but I also don’t allow them to. This is a typical conversation I have:
Friend: “Hey, are you okay?”
Me: “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? If you want to talk about anything…”
“Nope, I’m good. Thanks though! How are you? Are you doing okay with (fill in the blank)?”
“Ugh, actually no…”
Then, I listen to them vent while silently stewing about how they’re always talking about themselves and they’re never there for me.
If you don’t let people be there for you, they will not. Be sure you’re making your needs known when. I’d like to think that most people are caring enough to want to be there for the people that are important to them. They might simply not know that you need them.
Ah, high school memories. How many times did you, or someone you know, change to fit in? Whether it was clothes, music tastes, or even personality, I think we all struggled at some point to make ourselves “cool” at the time. Very few people dared to be their true selves because most were scared about what that meant socially.
I was doing a little writing at Panera Bread one day. A group of impossibly skinny teenagers sat a few tables down from me. I couldn’t help but listen to their conversation.
“Oh my God, you’re not actually going to eat that whole cookie, are you?”
“What? No, who could?”
“Okay, cuz you already got whipped cream on your latte.”
“Obviously I wouldn’t eat this whole thing.”
What if she did want to eat the whole cookie? What business is it of the mean girl’s? Why do we live in a society where we can only be our true selves in private? I bet the poor hungry girl scarfed that entire cookie down as soon as she was by herself.
I wish I could say that judgmental stuff ends in high school, but you know as well as I do that it continues well into adulthood. Just look at all the mom-shaming that goes on! Or the judgment of people who choose not to have kids? Even how we make our money is judged. I could go on and on, but none of that really matters. You be you. And when you feel no one cares, find people that support the real you. People who pretend to be your friends only because you can’t show them the real you are NOT your friends.
Humans are social creatures. We all need love and support at times. But the person who cares the most about you should be YOU. You’re the only one who knows the entire you. If you feel like no one cares, be sure that you do care. Love yourself. Be yourself. And when you let the real you out, you might just be surprised at who loves that perfectly imperfect person!
All my love!
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