I was having a rough time coping with depression the other day. To make myself feel better, I ended up watching old Pluto cartoons with my daughters. The same ones I used to watch with my mom when I was little. Thank you, YouTube for the sentimental nostalgia! Anyway, there was a scene where poor Pluto was attacked by this tiny little octopus. That octopus got its tentacles around Pluto’s snout and yanked him under water, trying to drown him. Pretty brutal, right?
Pluto and the octopus inspired me
Isn’t that mean little octopus the perfect metaphor for depression? Poor Pluto is fighting with everything he has to get his head above water, but the more he fights, the harder that little jerk clamps down. Fortunately for Pluto, the seal (that had thoroughly irritated Pluto up until this point, but that’s a metaphor for a different day) was able to help him get free. That seal is going to be your particular weapon (or weapons) for coping with depression.
Depression is awful. It will keep pulling you under water no matter how much you want to fight back. Luckily, we all have a heroic seal on our side, too. We just have to learn how to use him before the octopus drowns us.
We’re going to talk about some general info, then get into the coping skills for depression. Bear in mind, what works for someone else might not work as well for you. What we’re looking for is your own secret weapons to keep in your back pocket. The next time that octopus gets his incredibly strong tentacles around you, you’ll have your seal ready. Side note: It always bothered me that this teeny tiny octopus was able to pull big strong Pluto under. But, just like I rooted for Pluto, I’m going to root for you, too.
Types of Depression
Just like there is no one size-fits-all strategy for coping with depression, not everyone is going to fall under the same sub-category of this terrible illness. There are a multitude of different types of depression. If you don’t know which type you have, it may be helpful to talk to a mental health professional. Knowing what you’re up against will help you win the war against depression. Let’s go over the different types. This article from WebMD is where this information comes from.
Major Depressive Disorder
This is what most people probably think of when they hear the word depression. It’s that feeling of being chronically depressed, with no interest in what used to interest you. It’s really hard to concentrate or focus on anything. There could be weight gain or loss. You’ll probably feel zapped of energy. There may be days where you sleep all day or some nights where you can’t sleep at all. It’s common to feel worthless and/or intense feelings of guilt. This is a tough one to fight on your own. If you’re struggling with this, please get some help, especially if you’ve had thoughts of suicide.
Persistent Depressive Disorder
This one is very similar to major depressive disorder. The only difference is that it has lasted for two or more years. You’ll most likely feel like you have no energy (which makes sense, since you’ve been fighting this for SO LONG). Some people can barely eat, some people can’t stop eating. You may have some issues with low self-esteem.
Psychotic Depression
This type has all the symptoms of major depressive disorder, but also includes hallucinations, delusions and paranoia. It’s terrifying when you can’t believe everything you see or hear because it might only be in your own mind. You might start to question everything and everyone, which will make it difficult for you to trust anyone. This particularly isolating type of depression will need some professional help to get control of.
Situational Depression
This is a (usually) brief bout of depression that is caused by something intense. It could be losing a loved one, losing a job, a divorce, bad health news, or really anything that causes a great deal of stress. Mental health professionals may call this a stress response syndrome.
Postpartum Depression
Depression after the birth of your baby is quite common. A baby is a huge change in your life. Mix that with the hormones that have gone crazy and it can be pretty intense. It can make you feel isolated and alone. You might feel like you’re not cut out to be a mother. It might scare you that you don’t feel a connection to your baby. Sometimes, you might not even like your baby. You’ll feel exhausted and like you just can’t cope with the stress of being a new parent. Please get some help, especially if you feel like you might hurt yourself or your baby.
Bipolar Depression
Bipolar depression used to be called manic depression because of the telltale “manic” episodes where you’ll have periods of very high energy. Unfortunately, the other side of the coin is that you can also have extreme lows. These lows include the same symptoms of, you guessed it, major depression.
Seasonal Affective Disorder
This is one that a lot of us in the Midwest are feeling now. It’s the feeling of major depression that usually occurs in the winter months. The days are shorter (leave for work in the dark, come home in the dark) and we don’t see a lot of sunlight. It can feel like it’s just gray, cloudy and cold for months here in Michigan.
Atypical Depression
This was a new one for me. Atypical depression is more of a pattern of symptoms of depression. You might have increased appetite, sleep more than usual and be a little more sensitive to criticism. However, one positive event can improve your mood for a short time.
The Dangers of Untreated Depression
You may think that depression is just a thing you have to deal with. It’s just a part of who you are. While this may be true, it’s still important to take a proactive role in coping with depression. You don’t have to feel like this all the time. As an added incentive to get the help you need, depression is more than just feelings. It has real effects on your brain and the rest of your body.
What your depressed brain looks like
You may have seen this picture or similar pictures floating around social media to bring awareness and help end the stigma against mental health issues. This picture is from WebMD and shows actual PET scan images of two people’s brains.
Do you see the difference? Depression is very real, this picture allows people to see how real it is. It’s pretty clear why you can’t “just cheer up.” This is why you need to fight back. Light your brain back up!
What your physical body goes through
If you have depression, you know all too well that it’s not just feeling sad all the time. Depression freaking hurts! When I’m neck-deep in a depressive episode, my entire body aches. It’s not in your head. Depression can have negative effects on your body. This article from Healthline, written by Ann Pietrangelo, discusses what happens in your body when you’re depressed.
Increased pain sensitivity
This is where a lot of the physical pain comes from. When you’re depressed, your brain is telling your body that you’re hurting, which results in that achy feeling that can get pretty intense. Everything just hurts more.
Diet changes
You may give in to binge eating (Guilty!) where you just can’t seem to fill your stomach enough. You’re trying to fill some sort of void with food (probably not-so-healthy food). It can lead to weight gain, which doesn’t help with already low self-esteem. On the other hand, you may not feel like eating at all. Prolonged anorexia can rob you of the key nutrients your body needs.
Insomnia/fatigue
Again, sleep issues are going to affect people differently. Some people will want to sleep all the time. Some people have trouble falling asleep. Or, some people sleep during the day and then can’t sleep at night. No matter which way, there is likely going to be some sort of trouble sleeping. Depression fatigue is very common. Whether you sleep too much or not enough, you just always feel zapped of all energy. Your body needs sleep to recharge, recuperate and heal, so it’s especially important to get enough sleep while you’re depressed. However, too much sleep can make you feel even foggier and more fatigued.
Tummy troubles
Your mind is directly connected to your gut. When you’re depressed, it can slow your GI tract down, resulting in constipation, stomach aches and cramps. The changes in your diet (see above) don’t help here. Whether you’re not eating or binging on unhealthy foods, your GI system is not getting what it needs to run smoothly.
Long term effects
As if those troubles weren’t enough, there are some long term effects of untreated depression. I’m not trying to scare anyone here, but I am trying to make you aware that depression is a serious illness that can have serious effects on your physical health. Please don’t ignore it. When your brain is depressed, there is a trickledown effect that your entire body feels. I know that it’s easier to just pretend it doesn’t exist, or hope that it will get better on it’s own. Coping with depression doesn’t mean allowing it to destroy you. Learning to manage it will make you feel better in every way.
Constricted blood vessels
Depression tightens up your blood vessels. When blood can’t get through as easily as it would like, this puts a strain on your heart. If this happens long enough, you could develop cardiovascular issues. As much as I hate to beat a dead horse, again, poor diet can also affect your heart. If you tend to binge on fast food or other fat and cholesterol-laden foods, it’s going to slow those blood vessels even more.
Weakened immune system
Depression also has a negative impact on your immune system. With a weakened immune system, your body isn’t as protected. This makes it easier to get infections, like colds and other illnesses. It can also put your at increased risk of more serious issues like heart disease.
Obesity-related illnesses
Here I go again with the binge eating. Gaining too much weight is not only bad for an already low self-esteem. It also puts you at risk for heart disease and diabetes. This is why it’s so important to be cognizant of what you’re putting in your body. I’m not saying this from a judgmental and finger-pointing stance, but as a person that has always turned to food for comfort. I’m completely 100% guilty of packing in as much junk food as my gut could hold. The funny thing is it never really made me feel that much better as I was eating and definitely didn’t make me feel better afterward.
Dependence on drugs or alcohol
Self-medicating with drugs and alcohol is never a good idea. It may numb the feelings for a little while, but there can be a rebound effect that will make you feel even worse when the high or drunk feeling wears off. You then want to drink more or get high again. This is why it’s so important to learn healthier ways of coping with depression so that you feel better for real, instead of a temporary fix.
Hope for the Hopeless – Coping with depression
Control what you can, let go of what you can’t
This is probably the hardest, yet most important concept to learn. Sometimes just the fact that we’re so out of control of what happens in our own lives can be super depressing. You make plans, but life has a way of throwing curve balls at us that we never see coming. Having scrimped and saved for years for that dream vacation that you desperately need, only to have your beloved pet fall ill and need a life-saving and expensive surgery.
Maybe you’re finally ready to move out of your tiny apartment and buy a house, but then your spouse loses his or her job.
Or you might have all your ducks in a row so that you can finally quit your job and start your own business, but then a global pandemic hits and the whole world shuts down.
Life is unpredictable. Money troubles, car troubles, house troubles, illness, etc. can happen out of nowhere. We have very little control over what happens. You’re allowed to feel sad and angry when things go wrong and sometimes they will.
But not always.
You can control you
When things go badly, remember the times when things went just right. Things can go right for you again, but depression is going to try really hard to get you to believe they won’t. That stupid little octopus loves to use bad things as proof that things have always and will always go bad. But that’s not true now, nor has it ever been true. Remember the good things that have happened to you. Remember times when things went so right that you thought life was incredible.
So yes, it’s true that you don’t have control of every aspect of your life, but you do always have control of something: your reaction. You can let the bad things drag you down so that you’re more depressed. Or, you can learn how to shake it off so that you can rise above it. When you learn ways to manage life’s curve balls, coping with depression in general becomes a lot easier.
Coping with depression
There is an article on Serenity Mental Health Centers’ website that goes over 31 coping skills for depression. We’re going to hit on a few, but please click on that link because there are a lot of great tips there.
Socialize!
I know, I know, pandemic. BUT, just because you may not be able to meet up for coffee or dinner doesn’t mean you have to be completely alone in your struggles. Call up a friend. There’s no need to talk about your depression if you’re not feeling comfortable (though it would be nice to have a friend you CAN talk to about your mental health). You’d be surprised how good it feels to simply shoot the breeze with someone, catch up on their life and/or get a few laughs in.
Exercise!
Get your blood moving a little. Go for a walk. Do some yoga. Try a new workout. I love the walk at home DVDs from Leslie Sansone. Whatever way you’d like to get endorphins flowing, do it. You’ll have the added satisfaction of getting your body healthier, which is never a bad thing.
Eat well
Get the vitamins and minerals your body needs to be at optimum physical and mental health. Try to keep caffeine, alcohol, sugary and fatty foods to a minimum. The healthier food you put in your body, the better you’re going to feel in every way.
Get creative
Do you like to paint, draw, sculpt or write? Creating something beautiful will help distract you from the gloom of depression. If you can’t find any inspiration to create something completely on your own, try an adult coloring book.
Find a hobby
This one kind of goes along with getting creative, but finding a hobby can be anything that interests you. Baking, cooking, interior design, writing, woodworking, gardening, basket weaving, bird watching, the list of hobbies you could try is pretty much endless. Focus your energy into something that makes you happy.
Clean/organize
I know, the last thing you feel like doing when you’re in a depressive episode is chores. Yuck. BUT, if you do get your house cleaned and organized, you will feel so much better. No one likes to live in a cluttered mess (and yes, I am glaring at my own cluttered mess as I write this). You don’t have to do it all in one day. Start with one small area and work from there. You will feel such a sense of satisfaction once you get through it. Think of how nice it would be to simply sit somewhere without having to move a pile of something out of your way first.
Listen to music that focuses on coping with depression
Music has so much power! It can really help you to cope with depression. It can help lift your mood, give you something to dance to, make you just feel happy or it can help you to feel things that you may not know you were even feeling. Sometimes there are things just under the surface that you didn’t know were bothering you as much as they were. Try making playlists for all your moods, if you want to dance, if you want to feel happy, etc.
Let yourself cry
Allowing yourself to feel those emotions is important when it comes to coping with depression. Keeping them all bottled up is never a good idea. Acknowledge when you’re feeling sad and let yourself cry it out. Yes, I’m talking to you guys, too. Crying is therapeutic. A good cry can actually make you feel a lot better. It’s kind of like a pressure cooker, you’ve been letting the pressure build and build and you have to release it eventually. Try allowing yourself to cry, even if you have to find a private place to do it.
Coping with depression means taking care of yourself
I know how daunting even the smallest actions can be when you’re deep in a depressive episode. The hardest thing is sometimes getting out of bed. When that evil alarm clock goes off in the morning, the very last thing you want to do is leave the one semi-comfortable place in the world. Things like taking a shower, brushing your teeth, even eating might as well be a marathon in the desert because they would take the same amount of energy. Throw in the other responsibilities of adulthood and it can be beyond overwhelming.
This is when it’s most important to be sure you’re taking care of yourself. Do whatever you need to do to motivate yourself to bathe, eat, hydrate, etc. Find a reward for yourself, a quiet cup of coffee, a movie on the couch snuggled under your favorite blanket, even telling yourself you can go back to bed when you’re done. Whatever you need to do, do it. You know you’ll feel better when your basic needs are met, it’s just the act of actually starting it that’s hard.
Nourish your mind, body and spirit
We talked about how important diet and exercise is. Healthy food is going to nourish your physical body as well as your mind. Exercise will give you more energy. Hydrating yourself properly is going to make you feel wonderful inside and out.
Do things that will speak to your soul. Pray, meditate, do some yoga or Tai Chi. Get in touch with your more spiritual side.
Be sure you’re being kind to yourself. It’s okay to take a mental health day and focus completely on you. At the end of the day, you’re the one that’s going to have to pull yourself out of this depressive episode. However you need to do that is okay. You need to let yourself help yourself.
Getting help to cope with depression
Therapy
So many people try to handle depression on their own. I was one of them. I figured it was just a mind over matter type of thing and I should be coping with depression on my own. It was my fight and my fight alone. But, did you know there are people out there specifically trained to help people cope with their mental health issues? Yes, there was a little sarcasm there because I spent so much of my life trying to cope on my own, all while sliding deeper into depression.
The truth is, getting therapy is one of the bravest, strongest things you can do. You’re telling depression that you’re not going to put up with it anymore. It’s time to fight back with full force. You’re going to defeat it by whatever means necessary. If you’re anything like me, get it out of your head that you’re weak for not being able to beat depression on your own. It’s not true. You’re stronger than depression and a good therapist is going to help you find your own weapons to use.
How to find the therapist that is going to help YOU cope with depression
So how the heck do you go about choosing a therapist when there are literally thousands? Do you just pick the first one and hope for the best? Probably not the best idea, but I’m sure that works for some people. Amy Morin, LCSW from Very Well Mind goes through everything you should do to find the best therapist for you. The most important thing is that you feel connected to your therapist. Amy talks about finding a good therapeutic alliance, the relationship you have with your therapist. If you don’t feel connected, you’re not going to feel comfortable opening up to him or her. If you don’t feel you can talk to him or her, even the best therapist in the world isn’t going to be able to help you.
So, think of who your ideal therapist could be. Do you feel more comfortable talking to a man or a woman? Older or younger? Is their religion important to you? All these questions will help you narrow down your choices. You’ll probably know at your first appointment if you feel that all important connection or not. If you do, great! If you don’t, don’t be afraid to try someone new.
Alternative types of treatment for coping with depression
In some cases, talk therapy may not be enough to help you with your depression. Sometimes you may need some additional help. Ruben Castaneda from USNews.com discusses different ways to treat depression. Some things we have already talked about earlier in this article, but there are always more options such as medication, electroconvulsive therapy and transcranial magnetic stimulation.
Medication
I’m not a doctor. I can’t tell you whether or not medications are the right choice for you. But antidepressants can really help someone that is deeply depressed. I can hear what some of you are saying because I’ve said it myself: going on medication doesn’t solve any of the underlying issues. While this is true, please don’t make the same mistake that I did and refuse medication while your depression spirals out of control. The point of medication is to help stabilize your mind enough so that other treatments, such as talk therapy, can be more effective. This makes coping with depression easier.
Electroconvulsive therapy
This one may bring about images from movies or TV of someone getting painfully zapped. Real world electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is not that violent. It can help people when other treatment modalities haven’t. It’s done under sedation or anesthesia where small electric currents are passed into the brain. The hope is that this will change the brain chemistry, which will help lessen the grip that depression has on you. Studies show that ECT has been a very helpful tool.
Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation
This procedure is non-invasive. It involves placing an electromagnetic coil near the forehead and sending a painless magnetic pulse right to the portion of the brain that controls mood. It takes about 30 treatments. It is a procedure, like ECT, that offers another treatment option when other methods have not been as effective in controlling depression.
Inpatient treatment
This is where the stigma against mental health really does a lot of damage. Unfortunately, there are some people that have this image in their minds about people that need inpatient mental health care care in a mental health institute or hospital. They think every patient is sitting in a padded room wrapped in a strait jacket because they’re unstable and dangerous.
This couldn’t be further from the truth.
While most people are able to treat their depression at home, there are some people that need to stay in a hospital. As this article from WebMD explains, there are a few reasons why someone may need inpatient care, whether voluntary or involuntary.
New medication
When a patient needs their medications adjusted, a psychiatrist may recommend an inpatient hospital stay so that the patient’s reactions can be monitored safely. This helps the doctor find the right dosage for optimal effect.
Patient is unable to care for themselves
If someone is so depressed that they can’t function on their own, they may need a hospital stay to get their depression under control. A patient that stays in bed for days at a time, unable to eat or drink, will need a little more specialized care so that they can live on their own again.
Treatment
Some treatments are normally done in a hospital, such as electroconvulsive therapy. That way the patient can be monitored after the procedure as he or she comes out of anesthesia.
Safety
If a patient is a danger to themselves or others, he or she may be voluntarily or involuntarily admitted to the hospital. This will help the patient regain control of their depression so that they can continue to live their lives safely.
If you need a hospital stay, please be sure to get one. Depression sometimes needs a little extra fight to come back under submission. An inpatient stay will allow you to get the rest you need so that you can keep fighting like the badass you are. Let people take care of you for a little while. There is absolutely no shame in it. You’re not weak. As a matter of fact, it takes a lot of strength to get the help you need if your depression is out of control. Think of a police officer that’s trying to take on a super villain. Would you think he or she is weak for calling in backup? Depression is a super villain that sometimes needs some additional backup to control.
Please keep fighting
I would love to say that your battle with depression is going to end once you identify your coping skills. Unfortunately, coping with depression may be a lifelong fight. Some battles will be easier to win than others. You’re going to have really bad days. On those really bad days, I hope you remember that you’ve overcome those days before, which led to better days. Learn some coping skills that work well for you. They will help you live a better, dare I say happier, life.
When depression tries to pull you under water, use those coping skills to keep your head above water, to survive. Don’t ignore it until it’s too overwhelming. Self-care is not selfish. It’s just as necessary as eating and sleeping. Know when you’re heading towards dangerous waters and do whatever you need to do to move in the opposite direction. You have that power and strength inside you. Use it! All my love!
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