I’m going to start this post with another confession. Although I consider myself a devout Christian that loves God above all else, I kinda suck at praying. Actually, I really suck at praying. I’ll start a prayer, lose my train of thought, start thinking about other things, and then totally forget I was praying in the first place. It’s not unusual for me to wake up in the morning in horror, “I never finished my prayers!” My prayers usually start strong, but then I quickly realize that I’m not quite sure where I was going with it. I start rambling my usual go-tos, like thanking God and praying for my friends and family who are struggling, which are great things, but not the plan I was going with. Since we are right in the middle of Lent, I thought it would be a good time to post about prayer. So, for today’s post, I will talk about how to pray when you don’t know what to say, you lose focus or are a chronic prayer unfinisher. I’ve done all three, more times than I can count.
When we have a mental illness, our minds are always working against us. When we try to focus on God, even for a few minutes, our brains are going to throw everything they can at us to distract us. An anxious and/or depressed mind is not going to want us to seek comfort and connection with God. Mental illness thrives on our misery and wants to keep us in that awful place. Luckily, God knows this and He wants to help. He wants us to be connected to Him so that He can pull us away from mental illness.
Think About What's on Your Heart and Mind
With a mental illness, our thoughts can be all over the place to such a degree that it can be hard to know what we’re feeling and thinking at any given moment. It’s no wonder that it’s just as difficult to quiet our minds when we want to pray. When you’re suffering from anxiety or depression, I know you’d love nothing more than to tell God about it. But how do you pray when you don’t know what to say? How do you untangle your thoughts into any sort of coherent prayer?
Don’t jump right into it. Quietly think about what you’re grateful for, what or who you’re concerned about, and how you want to strengthen your relationship with God. What’s really on your mind? Try to sort through that tangle of thoughts to come up with a clear plan for what you’d like to talk to God about. I wrote a post on how mental health can make us feel like “less” Christians (spoiler alert, that is not true!).
Remember His Incredible Love for You
Here’s more good news: God already knows your thoughts, heart, and soul. The good and the bad. And He still loves you. He doesn’t expect perfection from you because He knows none of His children are perfect. You don’t have to come up with these long, perfectly worded prayers. He loves you as you are. Take comfort in this as you learn how to pray more effectively. Messing up a prayer isn’t going to make Him stop loving you. But learning how to pray when you don’t know what to say is only going to further strengthen your relationship with Him.
How to Pray When You Don't Know What to Say
As I confessed at the beginning of this post, I’m terrible at praying. So, instead of trying to come up with some advice on my own, I went to a familiar name for help. If you’ve been to church in the last 50 years, you’ve probably seen Guideposts pamphlets. I know I remember them from church during my youth. They have a website! On that website, I found an article by the founder of Guideposts himself, Norman Vincent Peale. The article he wrote was on how to pray more effectively. I’m going to go over a few tips here, but please check out the article. He gives so much great advice!
Affirm your prayers
Like we talked about earlier, God loves us SO much! It helps when you remember that love. God wants to help us. He wants us to come to Him with our concerns. Keep that in mind when you’re thinking about how you want to talk to Him. Your prayers are going to someone who wants to hear them, who wants a relationship with us and who wants to help! He loves us, always and forever!
Make it short and sweet
I have a HUGE problem with focus. Most likely, it’s undiagnosed ADD, but my anxiety also makes it hard. My husband (who DOES have ADD) often has trouble following my thought pattern. We’d be talking about painting the hallway and during that conversation, my thoughts have taken several turns and right after he’s done listing all the supplies we’ll need, I’ll respond with something along the lines of, “Yeah, we can get all that. Also, what do you think about getting my dad a metal detector for Father’s Day?” Since he’s used to me, he no longer looks at me as if I’ve sprouted a tree out of my head. He just sighs and says, “Sure?”
The point is, I have a lot of trouble focusing on anything for long periods. While I’m trying to focus on a prayer, it’s hard for me. If you also have this problem, Mr. Peale’s advice is to say fractional prayers. This means using tidbits of time to focus on a tiny prayer, such as waiting for your kids to get off the bus, brushing your teeth, or waiting for coffee to brew. He says that these small prayers can help keep you focused and build up your prayer attention span.
Make a prayer list
This is a great way to learn how to pray when you don’t know what to say. There is SO much suffering in this world. You probably personally know several people who are struggling in some way. Make a list of all the people (it can be anyone, people you know or don’t know) that could use some prayers. Then, spend some quiet time praying for each of them, whether it’s for peace, health, strength, or guidance.
Build your relationship with God
It’s good to think of prayer as just your time to spend with God. You don’t need to come up with fancy words or long prayers. Just chat like you’re talking to a good friend. What better friend do we have than God? You don’t need to ask Him for anything. Just thank Him for all He’s done, tell Him what’s on your mind, and express your love to Him.
Don't Be So Hard on Yourself
It’s easy to feel guilty when you’re not great at praying. But, just like with anything else, you simply need to practice. Think of it as building your prayer muscles. Start with short, meaningful prayers and work your way up. Have an idea of what you want to pray about and let it flow from there. Remember that God is patient and forgiving. Give yourself the grace to forgive yourself and then try to improve. God loves you. He will guide you on how to pray, even when you don’t feel like you know what to say.
You Can Do This!
Even the most distracted minds can learn how to focus for small amounts of time. It takes practice and perseverance, but you know that God is worth that work. I’m learning to get better and you can, too! Don’t give up. Prayer is just too important. It’s the only way we have to connect with God. But you don’t have to make it difficult. Strengthen your prayer muscle so that you can strengthen your relationship with Him!
All my love!