If you’re a Christian, you probably remember a few mixed feelings as a kid. I remember wanting to sleep in instead. But, I did like that we always got a Danish, donut, coffee cake, or some other breakfast treat. The hymns were always nice. Those sermons…BORING! Our church always had someone read from the Bible, but it was very hard to pay attention, even when I followed along in the pew Bibles. They were supposed to align with what the pastor was talking about in the sermon, but I never really caught on to that connection. But my mom was happy. I remember her saying, “It’s sure been hard finding the right church! But we finally did!”
As I grew up, I remember thinking that maybe church wasn’t meant to be enjoyable. It was a sacrifice to honor God. Sure, the pastor would tell a funny story or throw in an occasional joke, but, for the most part, the sermons just seemed to drag on (even when I would escape to the bathroom for a little longer than I needed to). Hymns, like I said, were nice, but they were hard to follow if you didn’t know how to read the hymnals. The prayers were too long to keep anyone’s attention. Was this what church was supposed to be like? I mean, they all teach from the same book, so is it even worth it to explore other churches? Read on to see if finding the right church is something you should think about.
Finding a church should be easy, right? A church should talk about God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. The pastors/priests should preach from the Bible. They should encourage and instruct us to live a life that is pleasing to God, more Jesus-like. Well, all of this is true, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. So, I went searching online for what qualities to look for when finding the right church. There is an article by David Stahl from ActiveChristianity.com that did not disappoint.
Mr. Stahl explains that a truly Christian church leads you to want to do the deep, inner work of transforming yourself to be more like Jesus. The name doesn’t matter, nor does the size. Simply pleasing other people is not what we need.
You may have seen churches playfully (hopefully playfully) argue with each other on the marquees of their respective buildings. Sometimes, it’s just funny. Other times, the meaning is clear: “Our church is better and YOU should come here (bring your tithes).” This isn’t what God wants for us. As Mr. Stahl explains, the Bible speaks of “the church,” not a bunch of churches competing with each other. Churches should support other churches if they have the means because we should all want the same thing: to welcome anyone who wants to live a more Christ-centered life.
So, here’s a quick bullet list of things to look for. Does the church:
Preach from the Bible
Encourage transformation
Support other churches
Make you want to learn how to be more Jesus-like
Have an interest in the life of Jesus
The church should also openly welcome sinners, since we all ARE sinners. Remember the story of the prodigal son? The quick version is that a man had two sons. One decided he wanted his inheritance from the father before he died. The father obliged. That son had a sin-spree, ran out of money, got a job that treated him as less than human. He decided to come back to his father, ready to beg for forgiveness and plead for a job. As soon as the father saw his son, he ran to meet him, embraced him, and then had a party for him.
Jesus wants us to welcome all the lost sheep just as the father did for his lost son. The church should do the same. These lost sheep may not like what the Bible has to say about them, but if they have the courage and desire to know Jesus, then they should be welcomed just as much as anyone else.
Mr. Stahl also offers a warning. In this era of people-pleasing and “the customer is always right” mentality, you can find a church that suits literally anyone and any belief system. No matter what you believe, right or wrong, you can find a church that will agree with you. This can be dangerous for your soul. To be a bit blunt, a church that goes for pleasing people over pleasing God is not qualified to teach us how to live a Christ-centered life. That may sound harsh, and it is, but it’s also true. Church should teach the word of the Bible, explain Jesus’s life and sacrifice, and teach people how to live in a way that pleases God. A church shouldn’t be afraid to say the things that God put in His word.
Remember that the Bible has everything God wants us to know in it. Some things may make us uncomfortable. There are some hard truths. It can be hard to put the work in that the Bible wants us to do. A church that truly teaches from the Bible is going to say some things that we don’t like or want to hear. It shouldn’t be done in a judgmental way, but from a place of love and desire to see all of Jesus’ lost sheep returned.
Not one of us is perfect, especially if we compare ourselves with the perfection of Jesus. We are all sinners. We all have internal biases and beliefs that are hard to accept may be wrong in the view of God. So, finding the right church is also going to force us to do some inner work that may be uncomfortable. Like Mr. Stahl said, anyone can find a church that will twist scripture into their own personal beliefs, but that’s not what God wants. He wants us to find a church that is going to teach His word the way He wants us to learn it.
Mr. Stahl’s article challenges us a bit. He writes that we need to ask ourselves what we want out of our Christian life. Would we accept God’s word over our own personal beliefs? Are we open to changing our lifelong views on what God wants if the church were able to help us see what that is? Or, do we simply want to have our own beliefs validated, no matter what God wants? I know, it sounds like the choice is obvious. But you know as well as I do that if we’ve believed something to be true most of our lives, it’s not that easy to change. If a people-pleasing church has made you believe that modern times have changed what God thinks is okay, that might be hard to un-believe (I know, not a word). All we’re talking about is biblical teaching. Some people can interpret scripture to fit their own agendas, and that’s not what God wants.
You know I had to have one! I am not a pastor or theology expert. As a matter of fact, I don’t study the Bible nearly as often as I should. I’m simply a broken person, a sinner, and someone who wanted more out of my life. That’s where the research came in. I know I’m ruffling some feathers of people who may have been going to a church their entire lives, and then here comes this dumb woman on a blog that’s trying to tell them that their church may be wrong. I’m sure some of you are mad at me. Trust me, I understand. I promise, I’m not trying to offend anyone here. All I want to do is tell you what my research has said about finding the right church.
I grew up Presbyterian. My mother’s father was a minister. He baptized me and all of my siblings as babies. Religion was a big thing in our lives, but not the biggest thing. Growing up, religion meant a lot more to my mom than it did to the rest of us. She tried so many churches. Like I said at the beginning of this post, my mom thought that she had found the right church. At the time, it WAS the right church for us. We were all welcomed so warmly into that church family. My mom went all in. She was as involved as she could be, teaching Sunday School and Vacation Bible School. That church lit something in her that I had not noticed had been missing. As a matter of fact, I didn’t notice that light until I was much older.
For those that may not know, my mom died at the age of 42, which happens to be the age I am now as I write this. We kept going for a long time. For me, it was one of the only places left where I could feel her. As the years went on, it began to feel like more of a chore. A box to check off for “being a good Christian for this week” checklist. As an adult, I was the one teaching Sunday School, VBS, and even did a brief stint on the board of Christian Education there. I married my husband at that church. Both my kids played Baby Jesus in Christmas pageants when they were, well, babies. I’m going to be painfully honest here, I felt like going to that church was more about feeling close to the mother I missed so much than it was about my relationship with God. No matter how involved I was, I still felt lost.
As I kept getting older, my mental health kept declining. Severe anxiety and depression plagued me. I hated myself. When I looked in the mirror, all I saw was an ugly, horrible, worthless human looking back at me. I didn’t understand how anyone could even like me, especially God.
Church wasn’t helping me. As a matter of fact, it wasn’t even making sense anymore. Politics started showing up at that church. My faith was there, but it was incredibly weak. I decided that I no longer needed church. I’d be a Christian in my own way. When I started this blog, I knew it would have a Christian component to it. This is a post I wrote when I was struggling to understand why God would allow us to suffer.
Years went by as I fumbled with my faith. I never stopped believing, but I didn’t think that God cared about me any more than I cared about myself. A good friend of mine kept talking about this church she started going to and how it had done wonders for her mental health. I was skeptical. It was a HUGE church. My brain kept going back to the TV preachers who claimed God wanted you to give them all your money (and then fly off in their private jets). But this amazing friend of mine didn’t give up on me. She asked me if we would spend the night over at her house and then try this “mega church” in the morning. My girls were on board, so I agreed as well. Honestly, I just wanted to prove that all churches were the same.
We got up and got ready to go. The kids were checked into their classes. We got coffee at the built-in coffee shop (free cup for first-timers, nice touch). This church had its own merch, for goodness’ sake. As we took our seats in the auditorium (no pews here), I was ready to write this place off. Then, that pastor got on the stage.
My eyes filled with tears as he spoke. This man’s words blew me away. The only way I can explain it is I was starved for THIS type of preaching and didn’t even know it. He filled me with hope and joy I’ve never known before. I suddenly wanted to learn all I could. This pastor made me want to live more Jesus-like. I can feel God now. He never gave up on me. He was simply waiting for me (for me! The worthless, anxiety-riddled, broken-beyond-repair sinner) to run back to Him. This church, the staff, the people who go, made me WANT to go all in on my Christian faith.
Yes, it’s a huge church. But it’s also intimate. My husband and I filled out a card at the first service to connect with the pastor. I remember thinking that it would probably be just a mass email with a cookie-cutter message. The pastor of this huge church texted me within the week and had a full conversation with me. How incredible is that? Now, Sunday mornings are my favorite. I can’t WAIT to go to church. Now, I’m part of a group that meets on Sunday afternoons. These incredible ladies come from all different backgrounds, but we all have the most amazing thing in common: we love Jesus and know that God is going to do amazing things through us. My mental health is so much better that I was able to wean off of the antidepressants that I had been on for six years (DISCLAIMER: DO NOT go off of any prescription medications without discussing it with your doctor. My doctor was supportive of this choice because she could see the difference in me).
On October 5, 2025, I was re-baptized at the age of 42. It was the age when my mom’s life on Earth ended. But I know now, without a shadow of doubt, that the life I’m supposed to live is just beginning. I cannot wait.
Listen, like I said earlier, I know some of you might be a little (or a lot) mad at me right now. I’m not here to tell you whether or not YOUR church is the right one for YOU. Only you can decide that. I get how your church family may very well be an extension of your own. The church I mentioned was part of my family, too. We would have been so much more lost after the death of my mom without that church family. I will be forever grateful to them for what they did for us.
But, if there is any part of you that may have doubts whether your church is the one that God wants you at, please don’t be afraid to try another church. Jesus wants you to be a true disciple of Him, which means that your church should be leading you in that direction. I’m telling you, from this recent experience of mine, that you will KNOW within a visit or two that if the new church is where you should spend your Sunday mornings.
Just like God puts the people in our lives to lead us certain ways, He may be leading you to an entirely different church. If you’re reading this right now, it could very well be God speaking to you. I know He helped me write this!
All my love!
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