Anxiety, that little jerk. We’ll be talking about it a lot, the different ways it manifests, different types and all those weird little things that come with it. But, I wanted to start with coping skills for anxiety right off the bat. We’ll talk about what it is, how it’s different for everyone and how to calm anxiety.
Anxiety is always going to be with us. It’s that annoying non-friend who is really mean, but you can’t seem to get rid of. That one that blurts out awkwardly terrible things that make everyone gasp and turn away. People wonder why you keep bringing this thing, unaware that if it were up to you, you’d never see it again. Anxiety is a bully in every sense of the word. It can suck joy out of every aspect of your life and absolutely loves to do it.
Wow, that turned into a bit of a rant, huh? Sorry about that 🙂
Anyway….back to the real reason for this post: coping skills for anxiety. As irritating and downright debilitating anxiety is, there are ways to fight back. Let’s punch that bully right in the nose! But first, let’s talk about why that bully has so much power over you.
What is Anxiety?
More than everyday worries
Think about the bullies you may have encountered in your school years. They constantly insulted people, often to the point where the victim’s self-image would begin to deteriorate. The victim would begin to think of themselves as ugly, worthless, stupid, etc.
The bullies wouldn’t stop there though. They would use things that happened to the victim as evidence that bad things would always happen and that the victim deserved it. I remember a bully telling someone whose parents just divorced that they only divorced because they wanted to get away from the kid, because no one could ever love him, not even his parents.
Anxiety is very similar to this. It’s constantly highlighting our insecurities as reasons why we’ll never be good enough at anything. We’re always thinking that bad things are going to happen because we don’t deserve happiness. We need nearly constant reassurance that people do in fact love us because anxiety won’t let us believe that anyone even remotely cares.
Anxiety makes us believe that if we do anything slightly less than perfect, we’ve completely failed and will always fail. Since anxiety is in our own heads, there is no escaping this bully. It can get very difficult to ignore the constant stream of negative thoughts. If you’re hearing over and over again that you’re stupid, it’s hard not to believe it.
Your Anxiety is lying to you! You are NOT stupid, ugly or worthless. You are strong, so strong that you’ve been able to survive this bully for possibly your entire life. That makes you pretty amazing.
Learning what triggers YOUR anxiety is the first coping skill for anxiety
One of my biggest mental health pet peeves is when someone tells someone else that their anxiety can’t possibly be as bad as theirs. How can anyone make that judgment? No one knows what’s going on in anyone else’s head.
I sometimes take offense to it because I hear it a lot myself. People tell me all the time, ‘You’re so calm! You don’t know what it’s like to be this anxious,’ or something similar. Well, let me tell you, my friends, I’m a disaster on the inside. I’ve just always felt like I had to hide it (you know, until launching a blog that will describe my inner mess to literally anyone that in the world that wants to read it).
The thing about anxiety is that no one will really understand how much another person is suffering. We’re all being held hostage by a no holds barred bully, but to different degrees and different manifestations. Also, things that trigger my anxiety are going to be far different than yours. As a matter of fact, something may trigger my own anxiety one day and not the next. Anxiety is a crazy thing that is always changing.
Enough of the doom and gloom. Ready for some good news? Although you might be stuck with this bully in your head, you can still fight back. It takes a LOT of fight, but it’s possible. One important thing to do is to learn your triggers. I know what some of you are saying, that your anxiety isn’t triggered by anything, it’s just always there. While it’s true that anxiety doesn’t need a trigger, if you really think about it, I bet you’ll find some things that always make your anxiety worse.
For example, traffic jams, work stress, crowded stores are all triggers for me. I also always feel anxious when I’m listening to two people argue, the more heated it gets the more anxious I get (although I don’t feel anxious when I’m one of the two people, weird, huh? Hahaha). Really think about it. What makes your anxiety rise?
I have a lot of other triggers, but the point I’m trying to make is that the first step in dealing with anxiety is to find out what weapons that little jerk loves to use on you. We’re going to take away some of its power by learning its tricks. Then we’re going to fight back!
Coping skills for Anxiety
Quick strategies
I think one of the biggest reasons that anxiety has so much power over a lot of us is because we try to ignore it until it gets overwhelming. Humans are busy creatures. Sometimes it’s out of necessity because of work and kids and housework and so on and so on. Other times it can be a defense mechanism because if we just stay busy, we can’t think about how anxious we are. We just have to keep moving.
The problem is, this is not a great coping skill for anxiety. Why? Because we always eventually stop moving. This is why anxiety manifests at nighttime a lot (more on that annoying phenomenon later). If we don’t address our anxiety, it’s always going to win in the end. Let’s first go over how to calm anxiety when it’s starting to build. Ally Hirschlag wrote a great article for Healthline that discusses strategies for managing anxiety.
Question your thought pattern
Sometimes just admitting that your line of thought is irrational can help the logical side of your mind start to stand up for itself. We anxiety-ridden people tend to make mountains out of molehills. For example, have you ever been called into your boss’s office and thought for sure you were going to get fired? You start thinking about all the reasons that you could be fired. By the time you get to the office, you’ve pretty much resigned yourself to what anxiety has told you is the inevitable termination of your job, your career and life as you know it. You’ll have to sell your house and live in your car until you have to sell that, too. Do food stamps work on wine? I guess you’ll find out…
But I bet you didn’t get fired. Your boss probably wanted to ask a favor of you or even give you praise for a job well done. Hirschlag suggests that the next time you immediately jump to the worst possible conclusion, try to remember that this is one of anxiety’s tricks. Try to change your thought pattern into a more positive one. Sometimes writing down your thoughts can help you sort through the problem (if there even is one). This helps it feel less overwhelming and a key coping skill for anxiety.
Focus on your breathing
If you find yourself getting anxious, try some focused deep breaths. As Hirschlag writes, slowing your breathing will help calm you down because it will also slow your heartbeat down. This works particularly well for panic attacks where your heart is racing and feels like it’s going to beat right out of your chest. Focus on your breathing and allow yourself to release that tension. You could also use aromatherapy and breathe in relaxing scents.
Get some exercise
It’s amazing how much good a quick burst of activity can do. Hirschlag believes that taking the focus off your mind and onto your physical body can help relieve anxiety. Try a quick walk, some yoga, or any exercise that appeals to you.
If I’m feeling anxious, doing a quick workout always seems to help. It releases endorphins and takes away some of the pent-up energy that anxiety loves to take control of.
I love these Leslie Sansone Walk at Home DVDs and often find myself doing her steps even when I’m NOT watching them.
Long term coping skills for anxiety
While the quick strategies will absolutely help when your anxiety is at a peak, they are only band-aids on a gunshot wound: meaning anxiety is going to rear its super ugly head again and again until you take control back. Hirschlag talks about some key long term coping skills for anxiety. These include: Therapy, meditation, supplements, keeping your physical body healthy and medications. Let’s look into each a little closer so you learn how to calm anxiety once and for all.
Therapy
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the best ways to relieve anxiety. A therapist can help you navigate your thought patterns so that you can find a new way to think about anxiety-inducing thoughts or situations. These are strategies you can take home and apply when you feel anxiety rising. Seeing a therapist is one of the best things you can do for yourself to learn coping skills for anxiety. Ultimate self-care!
Meditation
Finding time every day to meditate, even if for just a few minutes, can help you take back control of your mind. With enough practice, you’ll be able to wave off anxious thoughts once they start. Don’t get discouraged if it seems like you can’t get your mind under control the very first time. Meditation can be hard to get the hang of, but you’ll feel the benefits of it once you do get the hang of it! Here are a few things you can get to help you focus.
Supplements
Okay, this is one where I feel I should throw a disclaimer in. I’m not a physician. I cannot guarantee the success of any supplements/herbal remedies/vitamins/medications/any sort of thing you put in your body. But, there has been some evidence that certain supplements have a positive effect. Keep in mind that it can take several weeks or months before you see a result. If you take any medications, please talk to you doctor about any potential interactions before starting anything on the list below:
- Valerian root
- Chamomile
- Ashwagandha
- Lemon Balm
- L-theanine
- L-tyrosine
- Magnesium
- Kava kava
- St. John’s Wort
Get healthy and stay healthy
A healthy mind needs a healthy body. Be sure to get enough sleep (I know…but it does help!), eat healthy, nourishing foods and exercise. You’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel mentally if you start taking care of yourself physically. Healthy foods have vitamins and minerals that support both your physical and mental health. Exercise releases endorphins which will make you feel happier. You’ll have the added bonus of feeling stronger and more confident in your own skin!
Medications
There are a whole lot of mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety, antidepressant, tranquilizers, sedatives, etc. Again, I’m not a doctor, so I’m not going to give you advice whether you should or should not take medications. This is a decision you’ll have to make with your psychiatrist or other medical doctor. If you do decide to take medications, remember that they can take a couple of months before you start to notice a difference. Don’t take it today and expect to feel better today. Give it time to work in your system like it needs to.
Be Kind to Yourself
Anxiety will always be there, but it doesn’t have to control every aspect of your life. Just like with any bully, it only has as much power as you allow. It’s tough, but you’re tougher. Even on your worst days, these coping skills for anxiety will get you through. Learn them, remember them and use them. Love yourself enough to fight back. On your overwhelming/isolating/terrible days, please remember that I’m always on your side. All my love!
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