Do you think it’s fair to say that every single person, at some point in their lives, says, “My life sucks!”? When we get into that mindset, we tend to focus on everything that is wrong in our lives. It can be hard to see a way out of it, especially when those around you seem to have their lives together. When you’re frustrated with life, it’s easy to focus on the negatives and see everyone else living their best life.
When you have depression, that jerk tends to be more than happy to point out how well everyone else is doing while making sure you see yourself as a failure. Depression also loves to tell you how this is how your life is going to be, that this is as good as it gets, which makes you sink deeper into its gaping hole of despair. Unfortunately, this post is inspired by several suicides and suicide attempts, some leaving very young children behind and asking that awful question, “Why didn’t Mommy or Daddy want to stay with me?” It breaks my heart, as I’m sure it does for everyone.
Here comes my disclaimer: In absolutely no way am I capable of offering professional mental health advice. This is NOT meant to be a substitute for professional help. It is purely informational. If you are struggling with depression, especially if it’s severe enough that you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, please go to an emergency room or call your emergency number or the suicide hotline.
Here comes another disclaimer: I’m using the term “frustrated with life” knowing full well that many people are way beyond frustrated and into the feeling hopeless state of mind. The reason I chose frustrated is because it sounds far less permanent. Trust me, I know when depression has its hooks in you, one of the last words you’d use to describe it is frustrated. But I just want to emphasize that these feelings CAN pass. I hope that I can help you banish them away so that your life has joy and hope again!
Life is Really Hard Sometimes!
We all go through challenges at times. Bad things happen. Even people who don’t suffer from depression can feel frustrated with life. It always seems to happen that when one thing goes wrong, it snowballs into another. And when you DO have depression, it makes everything seem so much worse. It’s hard to see a way out of it. Depression is going to make you feel like there IS no way out of it.
Here is a post I wrote about coping with depression if you’d like to check it out!
But be sure to challenge those thoughts. I’m sure you’ve been in this mental state before. Everything seemed so hopeless that you thought it would be impossible to dig your way back out. But you did. Try to think of a time when you thought all hope was lost, but it wasn’t. Hold onto that and remember that, in most cases, this too shall pass.
Do You Have Existential Depression?
We’ve all heard the terms midlife crisis and existential dread. I know I’ve fallen into the trap of thinking, “Really? Is this ALL there is to life?” When we’re young, it’s easy to look ahead and make all these plans for ourselves. I’m going to be the president. All the NFL teams are going to fight for me. I’m the next Taylor Swift. Then, sometime after you graduate high school, real life hits you hard. It could be losing the election for the most minor of government agencies. Maybe you broke your leg and will never play football again. Did all those high school parties where it was cool to smoke ruin that beautiful voice?
Maybe none of those things happened, and you just got your first reality check. Like the majority of us, life isn’t turning out the way we thought it would. Suddenly, your 30s and 40s are bearing down on you, and you don’t like what you’re seeing. You’re frustrated with life. Maybe you’re a little angry at yourself for wasting time. Or you’re wondering what purpose your life even holds. I read an article on verywellmind.com by Wendy Rose Gould. She introduced me to a term that I’ve never heard before: existential depression.
What is existential depression?
Ms. Gould explains that existential depression can happen when someone doesn’t feel like their life means anything and wonders why they exist at all. This condition makes it very difficult to seek relationships, to motivate themselves to accomplish daily life tasks, and may think obsessively about death. Some see this world as a place of continued decline that can’t be fixed. As you can probably guess, it’s a pretty hopeless state to be in.
Ms. Gould also states that a study concluded that a mere 25% of Americans felt that they had a strong purpose in their lives. 40% felt there was nothing guiding them towards anything significant or they had no strong feelings about their own existence. If this sounds like you, you’re not alone.
How to Cope When You're Frustrated with Life
Still looking at Ms. Gould’s article, there are some things you can do to help get you out of this existential depression. Be sure to check out her article for a lot more great information! I’m going to go through a few of her tips here.
Recognize it
Admission and recognition are often the first steps we need to take to get ourselves unstuck. Ms. Gould says that we need to recognize that we’re stuck and that we don’t have what we need to get out YET. Not that we never will, but we don’t have it yet.
Reach out
Never underestimate the power of seeking support from those who love you. Family and friends are there for you, but sometimes they can’t see that you’re struggling. I know it can be uncomfortable, but try to tell them that you’re having a tough time. Do it in any way that you can. It’s also always a good idea to reach out to a therapist who can give you professional advice.
Soul searching
If you’ve read some of my other posts, you may notice that I love a good soul search. Ms. Gould explains that existential depression often brings about some self-discovery. You can use the discomfort of it as a chance to figure out what you want out of this one and only life you have.
Don't be afraid to reset
So, you’re not the celebrity your younger self thought you would be. That doesn’t mean that your life is pointless. You can still bring value to yourself and do good for others even if it’s not what you had imagined. What values are important to you? What brings you joy? How can you use those things to bring more sense of purpose into your life?
Try some self-expression
Get creative. Journaling, creative writing, or artistic creation of any kind are all great ways to explore your feelings. You never know what may come out when you let your mind go and paint/write/sculpt/draw/etc. from the heart. Try putting on a song that makes you feel something, and just start creating. Don’t pressure yourself to make it good. Make it for you only.
Remember to Count Your Blessings
This is NOT where I tell you that other people in this world have it harder than you. Even if it’s true, that is not conducive to what we’re trying to do here. Your feelings are valid. So are your struggles, your problems, and every single thing that’s making you frustrated with life. It’s okay to be frustrated. You are entitled to your feelings, even if you (or anyone) don’t see it that way.
But I do want you to think about the good things in your life. I know depression puts a heavy black shadow over them so that you can’t see them as well. Think hard. Do you have a family? A home? A job? Health? Love from anyone? What else? If you think about it, I bet you have plenty to be grateful for. Depression hates that! It’s a lot easier to turn the tables on depression when you start focusing on the good stuff.
Think About Changes You Can Make RIGHT Now
Another great thing about life is that you’re not on a one-way street that goes nowhere, no matter how much you might feel like it right now. That’s another trap depression wants you to fall into. Life is not a tunnel with only one dark and lonely path ahead. You’re not stuck here. You just have to choose a path.
Think about what you REALLY want out of this life. Write out some actionable steps to make that happen. Commit yourself to do just one of these steps today, or at the very least, this week. Progress will create momentum, and soon, you’ll be excited about life again. Not that there won’t be setbacks (because, well, life sucks sometimes), but promise yourself that you will not give up. Here’s a free worksheet to get you started!
You May Be Frustrated With Life, But You Deserve Happiness!
Life is really hard at times. It can be disheartening to see other people “win” all the time when you can’t seem to catch a break. The fact is, yes, life is just harder for some than others. It’s not fair, but it doesn’t mean that you deserve less. You might just need to work a little harder for your wins. The good news is that those wins, the ones you got through blood, sweat, and tears, are going to be that much sweeter because you put in the work to get there. You really can do anything you set your mind to when you are the one in control. Just believe in yourself!
-All my love!